Cap'n Crunch Finally Gets Fingered for a Promotion
And X is giving me chills, and they're multiplyin'
Hello Gobbledeers,
How’s it going? Based on what I’m seeing out there, it’s not going well. You’re all completely losing your minds because Twitter is changing its name or its logo or whatever to X and people are upset. Did you know that Twitter is changing its name or its logo or whatever? Of course you did, because sadly that’s the biggest marketing story in quite some time (Barbie aside). Which is why we’ll talk (very briefly…very, very briefly about it today.). Very briefly. I already regret the decision to talk about it.
Aye Aye, Cap’n!
I don’t want to drag politics into this newsletter, but sometimes the worlds of politics and the worlds of marketing collide* and today is one of those days.
(*Actually, political campaigns are largely about positioning, so these worlds collide all the time. And one of these days I’ll get off my lazy butt and write about the really interesting positioning challenge if you’re** running for the Republican nomination.)
(**In all likelihood you’re not running for the Republican nomination.)
If you’re not someone who has followed the political gamesmanship of Alabama Senator Tommy Tuberville, allow me to fill you in (and, I promise - promise! - this is marketing-related.).
Sen. Tuberville has blocked hundreds of routine military promotions because he’s upset about a government rule that allows members of the military serving in states where abortion is illegal to travel to a state where abortion is legal to obtain an abortion.
(That was not the marketing part.)
Despite the blockade on senior military promotions, one naval officer was able to get a promotion during these tumultuous political times.
That naval officer is Cap’n Crunch.
Yes, it’s true.
It turns out that the Cap’n has - for 60 years - been wearing 3 stripes on his sleeves, a designation intended for a Commander, which is - in fact - a rank below Captain. (I don’t know where it ranks compared to Cap’n.)
Ad Age breaks the story that the Cap’n is getting a makeover and, despite Sen. Tuberville’s actions, a promotion. In his new official portrait, you’ll see his is now sporting the 4 stripes on his cuffs, the designation for the rank of Captain. And also likely Cap’n. In addition, he’s getting one more finger on each hand (as he had previously lost one finger on each hand during the 1973 Oops All Berries Massacre.):
Credit to the head of marketing for PepsiCo’s Quaker Foods cereal division (The Fightin’ Oatsmen) for being kinda funny in the article:
“The question of ‘where’s the Cap’n’s fourth stripe?’ has been a topic of debate and intrigue among his fans for decades now,” Kristin Kroepfl, VP and chief marketing officer of PepsiCo’s Quaker Foods North America, wrote via email. “We figured it was high time to make it official…and while we were at it we also decided to give him his fifth finger.” She added, “It will be another 60 years before we address the eyebrow issue!” referring to fans questioning why Cap’n Crunch's eyebrows appear attached to his hat, and not anatomically correct.
You can compare the pre-promotion Commander below, while noting his missing digit:
A crunchy congratulations to the ol’ guy.
Fine, Let’s Just Get It Out of the Way
Have you ever worked for a company where they’ve gone through a re-branding? If so, I’m sorry.
In my experience, here’s what happens in a rebranding:
The new marketing person says, “Your old brand is old. You need a new brand.”
Then either the marketing person will be collaborative and solicit feedback from the team (and that guy on the Board and that person the CFO used to work with at that other company) and the feedback will be something like, “that branding reminds me too much of a furniture company” or “we’re AI-driven data efficator software, but that branding looks like an AI-driven data efficator agency, so go change it.”
OR
They won’t solicit feedback and everyone will complain about the lack of collaboration and then the marketing person will apologize and ask for feedback and the feedback will be something like, “that branding reminds me too much of a warm sunrise” or “we’re a headless commerce software provider but that branding makes us look like a headless commerce software consultancy.”The branding will go live and the company will put out a press release about it that will have a really hilarious part where they will tell you that they chose the new name because “just like the Choxica tribe always hunts for their next meal by following the trail of moose dung, Choxica.ai always hunts for the next best email subject line by following the trail of data.” Or whatever. (You may remember our discussion of Marigold’s name change here.)
If the company is big enough, people will tweet that they hate the new brand.
48 hours will go by and nobody remember that you used to be called something else.
So that’s one path to take for your name changing journey.
The other path you can take is to be a widely respected head of ad sales for a major media company. Then, because apparently you are either a masochist or you are the media CEO equivalent of a soccer player who joins a Saudi team in exchange for $400 million, you leave your cushy job where you are well respected and take a CEO role working for a lunatic.
I would imagine you wake up one morning and your boss (well, no — you’re the CEO, so you’re the boss…I guess the other boss? The owner guy who also sorta kinda works for you?) calls (or DMs) you and says, “I’ve changed the name of our company to a name I’ve wanted to change a company to for many, many years. Please tweet something about this.”
And you hang up, and you have some questions, but that’s OK because your boss/subordinate calls right back and says, “please make sure the tweet you write about this will both make it sound like it’s a great idea, but also confusing, though most importantly it should be like something a Bond villain would say while explaining why he wants to take over the world.”
And maybe you’re confused by that even more, or maybe that actually energizes you. I don’t really know.
But the guy owns the company, and you just joined, so you gotta do what you gotta do, and sometimes what you gotta do is this:
Hm.
As someone who writes this newsletter every week about marketing and the weird language we use around marketing technology, and who worries every week that there won’t be something to write about, well this is a godsend.
I also have to give credit where it’s due - YOU try to write something like that! With a straight face! Then post it under your name where - apparently - 16 million(???) people saw it. It’s hilarious.
Yet. It also sounded kinda familiar? I keep going back and reading it with this eerie sense of deja vu.
And then I - thank God! - figured it out:
Though maybe she should’ve gone with “Hopelessly devoted to you…”
How We Can Work Together
As always, thanks so much for reading, especially because you could’ve been at Oppenbarbenheimer instead.
If you’re a marketer and you’re starting to think about your positioning, there are two ways we can work together:
In a half-day (or so) workshop we’ll help you hone your positioning and messaging so it’s clear what you do, and why you’re better than your competitors.
Do you have an event where you want someone to talk about messaging and positioning in a fun way? I do that!
Happy to chat - here’s my Calendly link. (I’ve had great conversations lately with some people who were thinking about names for the company, with people presenting to their board and wanted to make sure what they’re saying made sense, and others who just wanted feedback on their website…those are all good reasons to chat).
And it would mean the world if you could share Gobbledy with 3 friends. Would you mind?