Gobbledy, The Language of Software Marketing

Your 6th grade English teacher would be so sad...

Why is the copy on software company websites such an affront to the English language?

Why did Hybris (er…hybris) say they’re simplifying lives, then take 29 words to describe the simplicity:

(Not just relevant, hyper-relevant)

Let me just mop up the tears of Mrs. Molloy, my 6th grade English teacher for one moment…

That is Gobbledy. It’s not good enough to be gobbledygook.

A personal, shoppable moment?

Personalized commerce everywhere?

What’s more “personal” than a “shoppable moment”?

Software websites are full of Gobbledy, when actual English will do.

Indeed.com has set the standard for crisp copy. Their website headline?

100% Gobbledy-free.

I’m sure they paid somebody (somebodies?) a pretty penny to strip away the 35 other words they had in there to throw a bone to every team in the company. Whatever it was it was worth it.

(And whatever it was, I’ll charge you half that to help you remove the Gobbledy. And no, I won’t stop trying to make Gobbledy happen.)