Why Did Kum & Go Change Its Name?

And a fun way to steal $25 million

Hello Gobbledeers,

How’s it going?

We’ve got a lot to get to today - let’s jump in:

• How to steal $25 million and also play golf.

• Why did Kum & Go change its name?

• And Wizards is kinda lame.

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Stealin’ When You Shoulda Been, Uh, Improving Clients’ Logistics

I should say up front that I have never created a software startup, raised $100 million from investors, stolen a chunk of that money, and then gotten caught.

So I’m no expert in creating a software company, raising $100 million from investors, stealing a quarter of that money, and then getting caught.

Though I am sure that if I did do those first 3 things, I would absolutely get caught.

Which is certainly what I would say to those initial investors - hey, I’m a guy who’s starting a company, and I’m raising $100 million (from people like you), and if you read my newsletter you’ll know that I am SURE that I would be caught if I just went off and stole that money, so OBVIOUSLY I am not stealing that money.

Which is why if I WERE going to steal your $25 million, and I knew that in advance, I would definitely play the long game where I start writing a newsletter for a while, get some (but not nearly enough, mind you) subscribers, get them to trust me, write a confessional type column where I say that I would never steal from you because I would get caught, and then I would later go raise the money, etc.

So that’s one way you can steal a bunch of money.

But there’s another way to do it. For example, let’s take a look at how logistics software something something Slync.io founder Chris Kirchner - who was just sentenced to 20 years in prison for the theft - managed to do it.

- Raise about $100 million, including $80 million from Goldman Sachs.

- Buy a $16 million private jet. (There’s always a private jet in these stories).

- Do marketing stuff, including sponsoring professional golfer Justin Rose.

- Make sure that in the press release announcing that sponsorship, it includes this: “‘Golf and logistics have a lot in common,’ said Justin Rose.” But also make sure you don’t explain that any further in the press release. Like it’s clear there was at some point going to be another line that said something like, “Golfers have to navigate a course to shoot par, but for Slync.io’s customers, getting their products shipped on time is par for the course!” Or, you know, whatever. But then that line got cut out.

- Do other marketing stuff like sponsoring the Slync.io Dubai Desert Classic for $8 million over 5 years.

- Make it very, very, very clear that you love golf and flying to golf tournaments in your shiny new private jet and also playing in a LIV golf event Pro-Am tournament.

- Withdraw $25 million from the company bank account and deposit it into your own bank account.

Tl;dr: Raise a bunch of money, spend it on golf-related stuff, and then steal half of it.

What struck me, though, about this story was this line in the Business Insider article about the shenanigans:

The startup also drew attention for participating in expensive sports sponsorships, including a five-year deal to sponsor the DP World Tour Desert Classic golf tournament, which is uncommon for a startup.

Well yes, it’s unusual for a startup to sponsor sporting events. But it’s also unusual, for example, to use an animated box of poop to sell a product that you, um, poop in so you can get tested for colon cancer. The unusualness of the marketing is actually a good thing.

What I’m saying is this - stealing all of your investors’ money and using it to buy a private jet so you can fly around and play golf is a bad idea. But it isn’t necessarily a bad idea to raise money and use that to sponsor a golf tournament.

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You may notice that each week I mention that I work with companies to improve their messaging. Yes, I do that.

I thought this week I’d try a different approach and sponsor my own newsletter. Yes, this newsletter is sponsored by me. I offer a 2-day workshop that will transform your messaging so prospects (and board members) will actually understand what you do.

And this gets results - not just, “oh that sounds good!” results - actual business results in the form of higher clickthroughs to your Contact Us and Request a Demo forms. A recent client shared the results of the new messaging we created, and the clickthrough improvement was well into the double digits (not a promise you’ll get that, but clearly it’s possible!)

I’m happy to tell you more - here’s a link to set up time to chat.

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Delta: Something Big Is Landing Soon…But It’s Not Your Flight

So last week Delta sent me this incredibly innocuous email that I deleted and promptly forgot about:

The message of the email, from what I can deduce, is “at some point something will happen.”

Then, on Monday of this week, Delta sent me this email:

I’m actually curious about this: why did Delta send the second email? The first email had zero information. Why bother sending an email saying, “hey, we’re too busy cleaning up the gigantic mess we made, so we’re not going to send you an email today, except for this email”?

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Wiz & Go

Last week I wrote this whole thing about cybersecurity company Wiz and how the name of your company isn’t important because regardless of what your company is called people will eventually get used to it, even if it’s called this:

Though as I was looking for a photo of the Kum & Go, I learned that the parent company of Kum & Go was purchased by Utah-based convenience store company Maverik. And as part of that purchase, Maverik said they will change the name of Kum & Go stores to Pump ‘n’ Leave.

No, they didn’t say that. They said they’d change the name to Maverik, like the other convenience stores they own, so they’d only have to manage one brand in their convenience portfolio.

So I guess at some point the name does matter.

I’m mentioning this because although I mentioned last week that Google was buying Wiz (despite their name), there’s been a change of plans and Google is no longer buying Wiz.

Here’s the letter that their founder shared with their team:

Wizards,

I know the last week has been intense, with the buzz about a potential acquisition. While we are flattered by offers we have received, we have chosen to continue on our path to building Wiz.

Let me cut to the chase: our next milestones are $1 billion in ARR and an IPO.

Saying no to such humbling offers is tough, but with our exceptional team, I feel confident in making that choice.

The market validation we have experienced following this news only reinforces our goal — creating a platform that both security and development teams love. We are grateful for the faith our employees, investors, and customers have in us as we build the best cybersecurity company in the world.

Thank you for your hard work and focus during these days, which helped us stay on track and finish the quarter stronger than ever. As we always say: LFG.

Let’s start with “Wizards…”

In one of the first issues of Gobbledy, I wrote about real estate startup Knock, which was in the process of firing something like half their staff after they couldn’t raise more money. Their CEO wrote a letter to his team (where he blamed everyone but himself.) He began the letter by addressing it to the “Knockstars.”

I love when CEOs write a note about something terrible happening and then addresses it to the team using their cutsie nickname.

When PagerDuty laid off a chunk of its staff (while in the process invoking Martin Luther King), they addressed the note to the “Dutonians.”

The Wiz note is addressed to the “Wizards” who work there. I thought Wizards was a pedantic choice, and they could’ve come up with something better for the Tel Aviv-based startup. Something like - Wiz’raelis.

Anyway, two other things I wanted to point out:

1. Please don’t ever say LFG. Please.

2. The reporting on this story suggests that the Wiz’raelis really did turn down $20+ billion dollars from Google. I found that hard to believe, but then I read that the two founders had already sold their previous company to Microsoft for $320 million. So those guys have a chunk of cash in the bank. Which may explain this incredible part of that letter: “Saying no to such humbling offers is tough, but with our exceptional team, I feel confident in making that choice.” (italics mine). Why does he feel confident? BECAUSE HE ALREADY HAS A $100 MILLION! And he somehow BLAMES THE TEAM???? Oh, you’re so amazing that we’re NOT going to take $20 billion and distribute some of that to you. You’re exceptional! Maybe TOO exceptional!

Something to remember if you’re ever considering working for a startup (even a so-far successful startup): your equity is worth $0. And the possibility of that equity being worth more than $0 is out of your hands, and more-often-than-not, in the hands of someone who has already made the fortune you’re hoping to make (or make a fraction of.) Saying “no to such humbling offers” was not tough for him, my Wizards, it was tough for you.

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Thanks for kumming here and going until the end. I love chatting with readers - if you’d like to talk marketing stuff for 30 minutes, here’s my Calendly link. People set up these meetings every week - I swear, you won’t be the only one to set up time.